Saturday, April 21, 2012

A sample of my week in Celiac-World

Here are excerpts from actual conversations, all in one week (it's been a busy week) - I choose to find them funny as well as annoying - otherwise my head would explode.   If you want to know why I'm so vigilant or why you should be (if you are a fellow Celiac), read on...

wedding caterer: Hello, how can I help you?    
me: Hi, I'm coming to a wedding next weekend at your party house.   I have Celiac Disease and have to eat gluten free food or else I get sick.   I just wanted to touch base to see if it would be possible for me to eat there. 
her: Oh, yes, let's see.   We are having breaded chicken, so you couldn't eat that.   (we are off to a good start)  Also, green beans - those should safe.   (maybe) potatoes have gluten? 
me:  (feeling less good about this) Well, it depends on what you mix with them. 
her: butter and parsley.  Is that okay? 
me: yes. (this caterer needs gluten free 101)
her:  And, oh, yes, roast beef with gravy - there's no gluten in that.  (and we're done) 
me: Um, there's usually flour in gravy.  (I'm picturing myself questioning the servers and wanting to go back to the kitchen to double check what ingredients they have used - making a spectacle of myself.)  You know what, I appreciate your call back.   I'll eat before the reception.   Thank you!
grocery store event planning department: Hello, Mrs. O? I have the gluten free hamburger buns you were asking about. There are 2 varieties: regular or whole wheat. Which would you prefer?     

me: ummmm, did you say "whole wheat?" Are these the Udi's gluten free buns we spoke about earlier? 

her: Yes, which would you like? 

me:  Udi's a gluten free company.   Are you sure they are Udi's?  Maybe they are "whole grain?"

her: maybe that's what it says, I don't really remember...

me: (great attention to detail) How about I come in to check them out, cause wheat means gluten. (and I no longer trust your judgement) *sigh*  


Gluten Free Bakery #1: Hello, how can I help you?

me: Hi, my son is celebrating his First Communion in a couple of weeks.   I'd like to talk to you about ordering a gluten free sheet cake for him.

her: Oh, well, we don't make sheet cakes.   We can make you a 14" double layer round cake.

me: Um, then it would look like a birthday cake.  So there's no way to make a sheet cake?  (I could maybe go to the store for you and buy some rectangle pans.)

her: Nope, we can do the round cakes, though.

me: No, thank you.  (grrrrrrrrrr)


Gluten Free Bakery #2: Hello, how can I help you? 

(insert same conversation as with Gluten Free Bakery #1)


Gluten Free Bakery #3:  Hello, how can I help you? 

me: Hi, my son is celebrating his First Communion in a couple of weeks.   I'd like to talk to you about ordering a gluten free sheet cake for him. 

Gluten Free Bakery #3:  Yes, we can do that. 

me:  Hurray!   That's fantastic!   We'll come by later today to buy some cupcakes and let my son pick his cake flavor and icing.  He's going to be so excited!  (big smile, so happy) 

an hour later... 

Gluten Free Bakery #3:  Gluten Free Bakery #3, How can I help you? 

me: Hi, we spoke earlier about a gluten free sheet cake...a friend told me that you may not be a gluten free dedicated that true?

Gluten Free Bakery #3:  Oh, we have a lot of gluten free items.   Like cupcakes, cookies, muff- 

me:  (my head hits the table) Excuse me, do you bake with regular flour, too? 

Gluten Free Bakery #3:  Oh, yes.   We bake both regular and gluten free here. 

me:  Well, crap.   That could make my kids and I very sick.   Forget the order. *click.* 


Lessons of this week are be vigilant and trust your instincts.

Personally, I think I'm pretty mature for keep the stuff in the parenthesis in my head and not letting it come out of my mouth. 





  1. Maturity is overrated Kate and hardly anyone really appreciates it anyway. For your own sanity let those comments out of the parentheses in your head!

    1. It would certainly entertain the onlookers. :)


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