Monday, February 11, 2013

ridiculous stuff I say

You need to pause that story and go pee.  No, really, stop talking and go pee.

Did you wash your hands? ...   With soap?   

(on the playground) My kid doesn't have a shirt on?   I'm grateful he still has his pants on.   

Put your arrows away.

We are at school, boys!  Stop talking and get out of the van.  J, stop talking.  J, pause.   Thank you...I love you, have a good day!

Don't. Make. Me. Yell.   Just do what I say the first 5 times!

Can you only hear me when I yell?

Turn off the hose!

Dude, you'd better clean that up before your dad gets home.   He's gonna freak.

Who is banging what?

Put your swords away.

How about we start over?   I will stop yelling if you stop being difficult.  Deal?

You are so lucky it's not 1975.   Your butt would be crazy-sore.

Why do you disobey when I turn away? (wow, I rhymed. *giggle*)

2 - you can bring 2 sticks home.   Put the huge branch down.  

Monday, February 4, 2013

5 reasons I am grateful to be Celiac

Admit it Gluten-Eaters- there's some nasty food out there.  And I am grateful I can't eat some of it.  There are a few perks when you are a Celiac...

1. Fig Newtons - Seriously, doesn't everyone just pass those by and get the strawberry newtons?  Gross.

2. Digiorno Pizza - PreCeliac, I could not choke this pizza down.   I would eat cereal on those nights in my house.  Gooey-doughy-too-much-of-it crust.   Blah! 

3. Cheap Beer - Don't get me wrong, I am so a beer girl - leaving the gluten-bread world didn't phase me in the least.  You can keep your bread and nasty thick crust pizzas.  But saying goodbye forever to Guiness and Blue Moon makes me sad.  Kinda broke my heart.  For the love of all that's holy, if you have the blessing to be able to drink decent beer, why in the hell would you numb your taste buds with nasty cheap beer?   You can do better.  Drink a really good beer for me. 

4. I lost 20 pounds -  Stop eating a bunch of gluten-filled carbs and you will lose weight, too.   It's magic!  Does that mean someone could eat a bunch of gluten-free carbs and stay skinny?  No.  Carbs are carbs.  A perk to double-checking every freaking thing that goes into my mouth.

5. I couldn't think of a 5th - It actually really, really sucks to be Celiac.   Thank God red wine, dark chocolate and popcorn are all gluten free or else you all would have a serious psycho in your midst.   You should be grateful - put that on your list!